Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
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Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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