just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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