He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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