So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
