Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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