first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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