Slut skills are useful in every country.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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