just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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