2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am available for nakedness
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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