So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Non-Jews are for practice
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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