I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
