It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
