i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
