I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
