a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
