The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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