My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
