Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
