last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
