You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
