Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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