i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
