..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
