you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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