Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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