Sry I called you an 8
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
