you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
