margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
