I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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