This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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