It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
