If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
