cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No subtext here. People are naked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
