I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize