Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she peed on how many people?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
