K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
