when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
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do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am mentally ready for anal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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