I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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