Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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