Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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