he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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