I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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