So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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