i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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