normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
