True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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