I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
