4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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