im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
