It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
