yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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