apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
