I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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