She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
