wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm both gender and math confused
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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