i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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