This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bring me that man meat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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