So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
