Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
