I'm going to jail i love you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
