He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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