That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
