you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
