I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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