It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
