i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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