I am midnight drunk by noon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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