I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
