so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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