Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He kissed a someone with a penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
